Yesterday I woke up and suddenly missed the days when I would write snarky pieces for magazines like Preview and Pulp. Articles with titles like "Where Are They Now?" that went on to guess what happened to has-been local celebs. All of the conclusions based purely on imagination.  (I remember saying Lovely Rivero now owns a turo-turo and that some other That's Entertainment alum became the purple Teletubby). But I digress.

I got to work feeling my fingers itching to type away. What I came up with was this. Today I present Part 2:

6. The following words/phrases: stuffs, taken cared of, reduce and mense.

Stuffs because it isn't a word. There is no plural for stuff. It is a collective noun. Deal with it. Where were you when they were teaching this in grade school? Probably doing some other stuffs...

Taken cared of is also wrong. Just the sound of it is wrong. Say it out loud right now. No, now. Di ba? Didn't that sound wrong to you? Well it should because it is. Go to a bookstore now and check out Elements of Style. The intelligent explanation is in there somewhere. And while you're there, get yourself a nice book for the long weekend, maybe a Halloween card you can send to a relative and some other stuffs.

Reduce I hate only because I don't like the sound of the word. Reduce in the context of "Pumayat ka, nag-reduce ka ba?" (Pronounced re-juice). I don't mind when it's "Reduce the orange sauce over a low heat" or similar stuffs.

7. The ETC and 2nd Avenue plugs.
Exhibit A: "Let all your special occassion begin with us." (silent "s")
Exhbit B: "It's an ETC extravagance!" (silent "za")

I remember telling my friend Pat that I dont usually make fun of bad grammar. It isn't someone's fault that they got a crappy public education because our government can't afford to pay good teachers.

It pisses me off though to see bad grammar being used by those working in an industry where good grammar should be a pre-requisite. It's your JOB to write properly... do it. These plugs are exactly what I meant. And these are the old ones. The new ones are even better (worse).

8. People who can't write but get published anyway.
Sometimes it is a family connection. Sometimes it is their celebrity status. And sometimes it's because of an EIC that sucks just as hard as the writers they pay.

In that same light, I also really hate sloppy copy editing. A few years back a broadsheet published lenten recipes under a headline that read "Three great salmon dishes." The first recipe then went on to list tuna as the main ingredient. Ang saya saya!!!

I may be a bitch but I'm not stupid so I wont go into details or drop names. Not if I want to keep freelancing in this industry. Heehee.

9. Parents and yayas that let bratty kids run around in public places.
You see them everywhere. Ankle biters careening around malls and restuarants, screaming at the top of their tiny lungs completely unattended. In a word? Hassle.

If you can't keep them under control or at the very least within reach of your guidance, don't lug them around. If it can't be helped that they are with you, then make sure they aren't wandering off being a nuisance to the public. There are policies about pets... similar regulations should be instituted for children.

A friend of mine once told me that she has this fantasy of taking stray children by the hand and leading them off to another section of the mall. And I will admit that there have been numerous moments when I've thought of sticking my foot out and tripping one of these unruly kids. Neither one of us ever will act on these daydreams. At least, not yet.

10. Chicks who wear make-up to "work out" at the gym.
I see them all the time. They spend more time in front of the mirror in the locker room than they do on the treadmill. I have never seen one break a sweat. And yet, there they are, paying their monthly dues and parading around in designer tracksuits... faces glowing from bronzer and strategically placed blush. Annoying!!!

All for now. Have a lovely weekend boys and girls! 

No this is not because I have PMS today. And this isn't because I switched pill brands and am now wildly hormonal. And don't try to blame it on coffee deprivation. Yes, I am drinking 3-in-1 now (shudder) but it's delivering some caffeine to the bloodstream... enabling me to be human even before my first yosi of the day. 

Anyway, I don't think I need an excuse to be snarky because, as my very good friends already know -- I am not always a nice person. You know those stickers that say "zero to bitch in 2.5 seconds"? They meant me.

So without further explanation (and no provocation), here are some of my top pet peeves in random order.

1. People who say MTV when they mean music video. It's like saying Xerox when you mean photocopy. Only worse. And far more annoying. MTV is a network. MTV stands for Music Television.

"Did you see Britney's MTV?"
Oh, she bought out the network did she? Has her own cable channel now huh? Good for Brit-Brit. Maybe from the residuals, she can finally buy underwear. Or longer skirts.

Please, for all things great and small, stop saying MTV when you mean music video. For your own good as well as mine.

2. People who try to cut in line at the elevator queue.
This is especially trying for me as I work in a company where three elevators are expected to service the needs of over 1,000 employees spread out over 17 floors. Elevator space is at a premium here. I sometimes have to wait up to 15 minutes for one to stop on my floor with enough room me to squeeze in.

So, when there is an orderly line at the office lobby and I see somebody trying to pull a sneaky (usually by pretending to talk to someone ahead in line), it takes all my energy not to yell "Hoy gaga, may pila!!! Pumila ka!"

3. When someone sends a private message to half their contact list. Ouch, someone out there reading this has probably done this already. Let me calmly explain why this bugs the sh*t out of me.

Having half your contact list on a single private message invalidates the concept of a private message. Also, half the time these are invitations to gigs, shows, and parties. That's why there is an EVENTS option.

Plus whenever someone on this incredibly not private flight path hits reply, the rest of us receive it as well. Really, I don't need to know that taborkek247 said "kewl pare, see you there!" to your invitation to watch some garage band play in a high school gymnasium.

Why not just write a blog and limit its recipient list? Wouldn't that make more sense? So everyone can reply to their hearts' content.. .and I dont need to know about it.

Let's keep those private messages... private. Kaya ba? Let's keep Spam where it belongs... in a frying pan with a light coating of brown sugar.

4. People who don't bother to read blog/album/thread descriptions.
Exhibit A: I post a review on a wonderful Italian restaurant complete with menu prices and location of branches. And then I get a comment or reply that says "Wow, sarap! Where is this?" Um... *sigh*

Exhibit B: I post a photo of a dress for sale, including price, sizes and colors available. Of course, it is only a matter of time before someone goes online types in "Super cute naman ni2! How much?" Again... *sigh*

There is nothing wrong with this per se. People can not help it if they are 1. highly unobservant and/or 2. suffer short term memory loss and are unable to retain information for more than a few seconds. But still, every time this happens, it bugs me.

5. Text language. Make it go away. "Hir n me. Wer n u?" "D2 na aq s bb. Cno cno kau?"

I actually once had a job applicant inquire about openings in our department using text language. Needless to say.. "Wla me wrk 4u. Xenxya n. B-by"

Pagod na ako. Mamaya na yung iba. Coming soon ... whoever writes the awful copy on ETC and 2nd Avenue, bad service in the service industry and a host of other annoying things.